I hope I find some meaning tonight.
Not answers, but hope.
Not miracles, but just a bit more strength.
Just - peace.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
The reckoning
Now I know.
Heaven answers nothing.
It is not about what is wrong with me.
It is what I want to become.
The answer is in my hands.
Heaven answers nothing.
It is not about what is wrong with me.
It is what I want to become.
The answer is in my hands.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Open myself up
I should open myself up.
I will take this opportunity to do so, in the camp. Honestly im shitting my pants about it. About being humiliated. damn i hate this. im uncertain abt wad's gg to happen and wad chaos will happen at home. at least when im around i can contain the damage and keep her in place.
but this is shit. we have a crunch time and its soon. i will prepare myself for that. and make arrangements.
she will not take what does not belong to her.
AH GODAMMIT IT ALL. FUCK.
I will take this opportunity to do so, in the camp. Honestly im shitting my pants about it. About being humiliated. damn i hate this. im uncertain abt wad's gg to happen and wad chaos will happen at home. at least when im around i can contain the damage and keep her in place.
but this is shit. we have a crunch time and its soon. i will prepare myself for that. and make arrangements.
she will not take what does not belong to her.
AH GODAMMIT IT ALL. FUCK.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
feel like crying
i have no hope now.
hopeless.
i have no dreams now.
destroyed.
i have no strength left.
used up.
only one thing left to do.
pray.
for the sake of the world.
for those i love.
help us. help me. in Your mercy hear and answer me, Oh Lord
hopeless.
i have no dreams now.
destroyed.
i have no strength left.
used up.
only one thing left to do.
pray.
for the sake of the world.
for those i love.
help us. help me. in Your mercy hear and answer me, Oh Lord
Thursday, December 25, 2008
in the end
it never is about yourself, as i have learned the easy way.
but then again, this IS about myself again. i cant take it!!! so here goes. after that comes the mission for God and for everyone He wants me to help.
xmas day was fun at ben's place. we WALKED there at about 3am after the mass. and i enjoyed the walk:) it was a cooling night, after the rain. stopped at 7-eleven's with timmy to buy drinks.
when we reached there, we had some fun with murderer and other random behavior. i revealed the (fake) secret to kenneth and moira that i am actually more multilingual than expected. i said "Super crispy chili prawn crackers" (or smth like that) in thai.
remember: "A-SO!!!" ) (ㅁ내!!) means "You suck" in korean hahaha. for me at least.
murderer was just totally crazy. there were policemen catching each other and murderers pregnant with civilants, i.e. me and sam tag team. if he dies, i die too cos im the baby. if i die, he dies too cos the bullet would hit his stomach. LOL haha. should try that. poor sandra got accused of being murderer all the time. all the policemen cannot make it. murderer kills everybodies areddy lah hahaa.
after that we all got knocked out. i fell asleep for 15-20mins, until 6am. felt like 2hours. weird sleeping/dreaming disorder lately. woke up by marcus and caspar, went back with them by bus. after me sam and caspar dropped off, they saw the bus coming for bishan, but they couldnt run cos caspar had an injured toe. and sam CARRIED him!!! action man. ran like siao after the bus lah. should have took video man. priceless:))
and i went home to bathe and sleep, which i shouldnt have cos i missed the 9am mass that i am supposed to serve!! sadz. there were parts to be sung too. next time i shall drink coffee when im about to do smth irresponsible like that.
but i went back after i woke up haahha. walau. then only me there, with ben's cousins. EVERYONE ELSE LEFT:(( knocked out haha. but shawnnie came along:) with wine:D too bad i didnt get to taste.
then again, i did get to talk to her again. that makes me feel a little - happier.
but there are some other things i still must do. please help me to help your people, O Lord, i cannot do this by myself. teach me what to do.
there are still missions i must complete, decisions to be made. i cannot do this by my strength. i need God's help.
today. right now.
but then again, this IS about myself again. i cant take it!!! so here goes. after that comes the mission for God and for everyone He wants me to help.
xmas day was fun at ben's place. we WALKED there at about 3am after the mass. and i enjoyed the walk:) it was a cooling night, after the rain. stopped at 7-eleven's with timmy to buy drinks.
when we reached there, we had some fun with murderer and other random behavior. i revealed the (fake) secret to kenneth and moira that i am actually more multilingual than expected. i said "Super crispy chili prawn crackers" (or smth like that) in thai.
remember: "A-SO!!!" ) (ㅁ내!!) means "You suck" in korean hahaha. for me at least.
murderer was just totally crazy. there were policemen catching each other and murderers pregnant with civilants, i.e. me and sam tag team. if he dies, i die too cos im the baby. if i die, he dies too cos the bullet would hit his stomach. LOL haha. should try that. poor sandra got accused of being murderer all the time. all the policemen cannot make it. murderer kills everybodies areddy lah hahaa.
after that we all got knocked out. i fell asleep for 15-20mins, until 6am. felt like 2hours. weird sleeping/dreaming disorder lately. woke up by marcus and caspar, went back with them by bus. after me sam and caspar dropped off, they saw the bus coming for bishan, but they couldnt run cos caspar had an injured toe. and sam CARRIED him!!! action man. ran like siao after the bus lah. should have took video man. priceless:))
and i went home to bathe and sleep, which i shouldnt have cos i missed the 9am mass that i am supposed to serve!! sadz. there were parts to be sung too. next time i shall drink coffee when im about to do smth irresponsible like that.
but i went back after i woke up haahha. walau. then only me there, with ben's cousins. EVERYONE ELSE LEFT:(( knocked out haha. but shawnnie came along:) with wine:D too bad i didnt get to taste.
then again, i did get to talk to her again. that makes me feel a little - happier.
but there are some other things i still must do. please help me to help your people, O Lord, i cannot do this by myself. teach me what to do.
there are still missions i must complete, decisions to be made. i cannot do this by my strength. i need God's help.
today. right now.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Thank you all
what started out as an emoshed blog ended up with a big thank you for everyone who made this day a little brighter for me.
Thank you all.
Thanks Auntie Liz and Uncle Greg for the small surprise and the delicious cheesecake. I havent had a bdae cake in a year. LOL. anyway, do hope u guys like the gift:)) i wld myself haha.
Thanks to Nat, Dayna, Brandon, Anne-marie, Adam, Angie, Jonathan Lau and Michael too for singing happy bdae billingually haha. It touched my heart:))
And thanks also again to Angie and Adam for the Ice Lemon tea and listening to me spoof everything and talk cock in general at clarity's. i wld post any jokes if u want here hahaah.
Have a blessed xmas ahead, everyone:))
this is a rather self-centred and non-memory-driven blog entry. sorry
Thank you all.
Thanks Auntie Liz and Uncle Greg for the small surprise and the delicious cheesecake. I havent had a bdae cake in a year. LOL. anyway, do hope u guys like the gift:)) i wld myself haha.
Thanks to Nat, Dayna, Brandon, Anne-marie, Adam, Angie, Jonathan Lau and Michael too for singing happy bdae billingually haha. It touched my heart:))
And thanks also again to Angie and Adam for the Ice Lemon tea and listening to me spoof everything and talk cock in general at clarity's. i wld post any jokes if u want here hahaah.
Have a blessed xmas ahead, everyone:))
this is a rather self-centred and non-memory-driven blog entry. sorry
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